Where to begin? This is a raw topic for me overall and one that I have revisited many times over the years, but just eventually push aside when it seems too hard to deal with.
I was pretty much always an overweight kid, and that transitioned into being an overweight adult, and eventually, an obese one.
This past year I turned 50 and in a few short months will turn 51, and in looking back over the years there is a feeling of time wasted. Why have I not taken control of my health? Why have I allowed myself to miss out on so many social events, either because of embarrassment, lack of energy, or simply knowing I could not participate in whatever was going on. Admittingly though, sometimes it was just wallowing in my own self-pity and feeling tired of always being the largest person in the room. Worse yet, actually going to an event and not fitting in the chairs, or being over the weight limit for rides, etc.
I am not an unhappy person though. Overall, I do have a good life! I love my hubby, kids, and furbabies. And recently, we have welcomed grandbabies into the family. Very exciting!
I look into their little faces and wonder what the future holds for them, and I want to make sure I am around to see it. But a question remains, will I be able to play with them and have the fun “grandbaby” adventures that I have always dreamed of? Or will my health continue to decline, and my activity level diminish, until I can no longer move about and participate in “life” at all? Not what I want to think about when I look at those adorable little faces.
I have a hidden (OK maybe not hidden, and in fact … very obvious if you have seen me in the last few months) “secret”. I have gained back much of the weight I was actually able to lose in the past … again! Yes, like so many other people on this horrible roller coaster, I am back up to over 300 pounds. Now before I am sanctioned by the blog police for being redundant with my words, let me explain.
I am not alone on this horrible roller coaster of losing and gaining and losing and gaining, with declining health, motivation and confidence along the way. It is a frustrating and sometimes helpless place to be. I take full responsibility for this place that I find myself. No one forced me to jump on this coaster. And as such, it is up to me to jump off and stay off!
I remember when my daughter was planning her wedding a few years ago. The thought of buying a dress, in my then-current size, made me cringe. OK, cringe is not the correct word. PANIC is closer to the way I felt. Oh, and by the way, I can’t wear that dress at this moment.
Jump ahead and not only has she been happily married for a couple of years now, but she has welcomed an adorable daughter into our family. I help care for her on the days that both her mommy and daddy have to work and I feel so blessed to have this little one in my life!
My oldest son unexpectedly got married just few months before my daughter’s scheduled wedding date. Then, about a year ago, he and his wife welcomed a new little daughter into the family. Although she arrived early and struggled in the beginning, she is growing into a strong and spunky little bundle of joy! So along with her older brother, who joined our family when my son and his mom got married, that makes 3 grandbabies for us! And at the end of 2019, we will welcome yet another granddaughter. How is that for a great big “WHY”?
Not a week goes by that a friend does not tell me how lucky I am to have my grandbabies so close. And, to be young enough to enjoy them as they grow. I do feel incredibly lucky that not only have my children grown into strong adults, are succeeding in their lives and will be excellent examples as they raise their children, but that I will be a part of my grandbabies lives on a regular basis.
But a cloud hangs overhead. That cloud is the dread that I may not actually see them grow up and have their own children if I don’t improve my situation. I know these feelings partially come from the fact that my own mother passed away and never saw her children grow up and have families of their own, but also that I know how I physically feel and am well aware of the transformation that my own body has taken the past 3 or so years. I do NOT like the direction it is going. All of this is caused by my weight and overall lack of a healthy lifestyle.
While looking for pictures for this blog post, I came across some old Fitbit pictures I had taken. I used to post my daily step count on my Facebook page and worked hard to complete step goals and achieve the Fitbit badges that were offered through the company’s website. After working for months, I was able to achieve my 75,000 daily step count badge back in November of 2013.
At the time it was the highest badge they offered. 75,000 steps equaled over 32 miles for me that day. I was so happy and felt pride in what I had accomplished. Today … I can’t even walk the 10,000 minimum recommendation of daily steps.
So here I am again, contemplating and beginning … again! I definitively have my “whys”, but what about a plan?
What will be different THIS time? Why do I expect this to end any differently than the last 100 times I’ve tried to tackle my weight? Well, a total life change is needed, not just another diet. And, because I don’t have a choice any longer. It will work because I know in my heart that I am running out of time to enjoy life!
So what is the plan:
My Food Plan: My body functions best when I eat lower carb and stay away from most processed foods. Inflammation is not an issue WHEN I eat this way. Menu planning, precooking and planned shopping. I’m starting with a whole food 2-week cleanse. NO ADDED SUGAR or processed junk. No grains or dairy. Then, I will move back into a low carb, movement filled lifestyle overall.
My Emotional Plan: I carry a lot of “crap” from my past, that I am convinced has a large impact on my efforts to keep control of my weight and health. Face, tackle, move though and overcome … will be a work in progress, but this is a necessary step, as I did not reach this place in my life without emotional baggage that MUST be dealt with.
Movement: Get up and move! I don’t have a defined step count number as of yet, except to beat what I did the day before. This will have to be adjusted as I am still recovering from a fall that I took that injured my foot and knee. Move, move, move!
Exercise: Of course, walking and basic movement is exercise, but I know that I need to do more than that to achieve my goals. Daily goals will be posted on my office wall and tracked.
Tracking: Tracking is an important way to keep me accountable. This has always been true for me in many areas of my life. As soon as I stop tracking what goes in my mouth, the mindless eating starts. How much water am I drinking? A lot … I think! But exactly how much is unknown, if I don’t track it.
Clean up my environment: To many, this simply means cleaning the “naughty food” out of the fridge and pantry. To me, this means much more than that. Having a healthy body means more than just what I put in it but what I put on it has an effect as well. How many toxins do we all come in contact with every day? And do we really think those toxins don’t affect our overall health? The plan is to continue to change our products and habits to more healthy alternatives. And I’ll share what I am doing in this area as well.
My Accountability: I will be posting my progress and struggles here, on my blog.
Choices: Improve my current life situation. I choose to LIVE and see my grandbabies grow!
As you can see, I have a HUGE “why” and a huge journey ahead of me!
So, join me on this adventure! Do you have a bit of weight to lose? Do you simply need to improve on your daily movement? How about some past “stink’n think’n” to get over?
Be sure to subscribe and watch for the posts listed under “My 100+ Journey and “Let’s Get Moving”.